Lost Art of Listening

“This book is worthy of reading and re-reading, if only to remind yourself of its simple message to stop what you’re doing and listen to the important people in your life. It has spoken to me at different times, helping me to improve relationships with my spouse, child, and friends.”–Doug O., Walnut Creek, California

“A beautifully written, articulate guide to listening, this book is an antidote to the sense of diminishment experienced by so many as our culture short-circuits our need for interchange with others. Using personal stories from his life and the lives of patients, Dr. Nichols offers clarification of the listening process between friends, with family, in work situations, and in intimate relationships. The Lost Art of Listening is a pleasure to read and a valuable tool for therapists.”–Marion F. Solomon, PhD, author of Narcissism and Intimacy

“Lily Tomlin once advised that we ‘listen with an intensity that most people save for talking.’ The Lost Art of Listening tells us how. This is a very special book that distills years of clinical wisdom into practical advice about improving our most important relationships and, ultimately, who we are. Through the lens of the importance to us all of being heard, Dr. Nichols tells us how genuine listening can prevent broken connections and dried up relationships. Following his own advice, he presents clear, familiar, and relevant examples of real-life family problems and frustrations, in a way that leaves us open to accepting and using his messages. He stresses the need to avoid letting anger, anxiety, and fear of being hurt impede our ability to listen, and tells stories that show us how to manage everything from criticism to reticence and intrusiveness. Simultaneously, he provides clues for improving self esteem and decreasing emotional reactivity. This is more than a good book; it is a vital manual for any of us who would either like to feel good about our relationships or avoid dying before the end of our lives.”–Carol M. Anderson, MSW, PhD, Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

“Dr. Nichols writes as if he is speaking directly to us–and he speaks in a way that makes us not only able, but eager, to listen. What happens between him and his readers embodies key elements of what he wants us to learn about listening. Along the way, we learn about much more.”–Thelma Jean Goodrich, PhD, Family Institute of Westchester

“I use this book in teaching first-semester graduate students counseling micro-skills. The students endorse it as the best of the texts I use. The Lost Art of Listening uses pragmatic examples from real life to illustrate active listening. This approach makes the material come alive for students who are just learning active listening, and is a great refresher for those who are already familiar with it. In addition, I often recommend the book to couples I see in my private practice.”–Iverson M. Eicken, PhD, Adjunct Instructor, Department of Counseling, California State University, Fullerton

Product Description

One individual talks; another listens. It is so basic that people get used to it. Unfortunately, many of us consider ourselves as better listeners than we are. So why do we frequently fail to connect when talking with members of the family, loving partners, co-workers, and even close friends? Just how do emotional responses prevent the real communication? This clever, amusing, as well as empathic publication has now assisted more than 100,000 readers break by way of disputes and then change their own personal as well as professional relationships. Knowledgeable counselor Mike Nichols offers vibrant illustrations, easy-to-learn methods, and realistic exercises with regard to learning to be a much better listener–and creating oneself noticed and understood, even during difficult and challenging circumstances.

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